


Falling into a bottomless pit

by JayLeaf_NW



Category: Rapunzel's Tangled Adventure (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt Varian (Disney), Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Varian Needs a Hug (Disney)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:08:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23052991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayLeaf_NW/pseuds/JayLeaf_NW
Summary: Sadness is deep, and it has a strong pull. And from that point, things only get better in the worst way.OrThe one Varian tries to commit suicide, and Rapunzel has a weird dream about it. Takes place after the finale. There may be spoilers ahead.(May be edited someday..)
Relationships: Quirin & Varian (Disney), Rapunzel & Varian (Disney)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 203





	1. Nothing is normal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first fic.. that I've ever written. Umm.. the idea was just flying around in my head and I had to write this..
> 
> I am NOT implying that being suicidal is good, it isn't and if you are feeling that way, I suggest that you talk to someone, and let out your thoughts.
> 
> Enough with the drabbles, on with the fic!  
> (Unbeta'd)

Everything was normal. His dad was freed, and Varian's life had never been better. After all, he did get what he wanted, right? But, no. Turns out, nothing was normal.

He tried to smile to his dad, but even smiling became a challenge as time went by. He never smiled when he was alone, he barley even moved. His mind was blank, there was nothing to do in his lab anymore. Nothing. No experiments, ideas, or plans. But he still went down there everyday, for it was the only suitable place he could be without being watched. 

Today was just like all other days, say hi to dad with a smile, chug down breakfast, go down to the lab, sit down and.. nothing. Just staring at the windows, not moving even a little bit. At one point Ruddiger had tapped him out of his trance, but it only lasted so little. 

Everything was his fault. If he hadn't messed around with the amber, none of this would have happened. No going to jail, no betraying the princess,.. Everyone close to him said that he was forgiven, that there was nothing to worry. _Lies, lies, lies._ There was always worry in his heart, that he would make another mistake and maybe kill another one of his close ones.

Kill. He had practically killed his father. Just because he was so stubborn and focused on the rocks. It was all his fault. He was a demon, a disease waiting to spread. He had done so much bad, how could all of that be forgiven? The people around him still felt uncomfortable around him, his neighbors, even he didn't forgive himself. He didn't deserve _forgiveness_. What he deserved was _punishment_. What kind?

His eyes shifted to his shelf of chemicals, thinking about the substances one by one. Then, a sudden thought came into his mind. It was the first one in days, and he wasn't going to let it go. _The perfect punishment._ He immediately went up to his desk, and started writing like mad. There was a smile on his face, and it didn't look fake. But it didn't look happy either. Instead he looked, peaceful. Peaceful and calm. The atmosphere changed slightly. It felt light but, a bad kind of light.

Ruddiger jumped up to Varian's shoulder, but Varian didn't seem to care. He was to busy scribbling all of his thoughts down on pieces of paper. Ideas seemed to pop up in his mind, and he felt like a real alchemist in days. His plans were going to be perfect, he could feel it. Nothing would go wrong, and it would be called his last experiment. His last experiment. A success. Unlike him, which was a failure. 

He looked back at his supplies, as if to check what he had, and if his calculations were right. But just as he turned, a massive dizzy spell washed over him, and he started swaying. Only then did he realized he hadn't eaten a thing for about 2 days, including water. 

_Shit._

He tried to regain his balance, but it was no use. It was too late. He collapsed right on the spot, eyes drooping heavily. Black, darkness started to take over his vision, and he scummed to it. There was no going back. The last thing he felt was Ruddiger's paws, scrabbling on his back, trying to wake him up. Varian closed his eyes completely and let the darkness take him. He didn't have the strength to fight it anyway. 

* * *

Rapunzel opened her eyes, and found herself lying on the floor of.. Varian's lab? She stood up, confusion evident in her eyes. Then she looked around the lab. How had she gotten here? She slowly walked to the desk, _which was always a mess_ , and looked through all of the papers, they could have information about her situation.

But what she saw instead was nothing she had ver imagined. " What.. are these? " There were many notes, messy and hurried, but they all held the same meaning. The same intentions. 

There were notes about boiling water, and what it would do to the skin. About deep oceans, and drowning. Swords, rocks, and even his favorite. Alchemy. Looking at these notes, the note full of how a person could die, the heavy feeling in Rapunzel's heart became even more heavier.

But these were _Varian's_ notes. _Varian's_. He had gone through all of this. ... _Wait_. Suddenly the weight got a lot more heavier. She started breathing raggidly. Where, where was Varian?

" Varian..? Varian..! " Rapunzel started to shout, looking around for, at least signs of him. To her dismay, he was nowhere to be found, and that made Rapunzel only look for him more. _What if she was too late? What, what if Varian was already.._

No, no. She wouldn't let that happen. " Varian..! " Another unanswered call. Sighing, she opened the curtain that just came into her sight. And, as always, she couldn't find anything. Was she.. relieved? Or was she worried? She turned around, thinking about how she had gotten here, but then, she saw something at the corner of her eye. Red. Red and, white. 

Freezing on the spot, she thought about what it could be. _No, it wouldn't be Varian, surely he'd -_ , Oh, how she was wrong. There he was, too still to be healthy, shards of glass littered by his side.. pale lips, and oh gods, the blood.

It was everywhere, his clothes, wrists, skin.. To make matters even worse, little pieces of glass were still stuck in Varian's wrist. It was horrible to see him like this, and tears threatened to pour out. _No, no..! Just when he had found his place, no..! Not like this!_ Rapunzel reached out to touch Varian's hand, and it was hard. Cold. 

No, it wasn't his hand that she was holding, it was the ground. She couldn't touch Varian, it was as if he were a ghost. All of this seemed so.. real. As if it were... 

_A vision._

* * *

Rapunzel woke up, tears clouding her vision. She looked outside, and stared at the dark kingdom. There was no time to lose, the vision, it was so, .. so _real_. She couldn't just go back to sleep with the image of her friend dying, no, _dead_ in her mind.

She got up, quickly packed her bag, and got out. 

_I'm coming for you, Varian._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoopp that was a long ride! .. I hope. If there are some mistakes, I'm sorry,, English isn't my mother language so.. yeah.
> 
> It kind of feels that it's being rushed but meh. I'll just have to hope the next chapter is better.
> 
> I'll try to bring the next chapter ASAP but until then! See ya !


	2. Let my hope ignite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rapunzel gives a hand. Varian wonders if he can take it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop! I am back! Sorry for the wait, another idea just popped up while writing this so,, I got a little off-track. Sorry for the wait! I hope this is longer than the first chapter! Enjoy! (Evil smile)

The first thing he noticed when he came back into the land of the living was the temperature. It was _cold._ Not just any cold, but cold-to-the-bones cold. Varian opened his eyes a little bit, and tried to get up. But due to his trembling legs, and limp body, he lay back down with a soft _umph._ He closed his eyes, sighing. The calculations were quick, spend another night on the floor, doing nothing, and he would most likely be dead in the morning. It was easier to tell because he felt horrible due to the lake of food, sleep, water, just basically everything. _Wait_. No! He didn't want to make his death a failure! He had plans. Drink a chemical, throw the flask, grab a shard of glass, and slit his wrists. Not dying due to starvation! He was sick of failing, enough was enough.

He tried to stand up again, ignoring how his legs started to wobble, and how his stomach started to howl with hunger. He grabbed the side of his desk and leaned on it heavily, only to cause a beaker to fall and break. The _smash_ made Varian wince, his head was already killing him. He didn't need anything else-

" Varian? "

... _Oh._ " Oh, um.. hey, dad..! " Varian laughed awkwardly, he was so used to being alone, and had forgotten his dad was here..! At Varian's awkward laugh, Quirin went up to him and knelt in front of him.

" Is everything okay? Are you hurt? " There was worry in his voice, and he eyed the broken beaker on the floor. Varian gave a curt nod, he just wanted to be alone.

" Y, Yeah, well, duh-, of course it's okay..! Why shouldn't it be not okay? Oh, wait, is it should not, be not okay? " Varian started to talk fast, babbling, but he did not look at his dad the whole time. He didn't deserve sympathy, he didn't deserve any of it! There was a demon, inside of him, attacking others, and a demon didn't deserve _love._

Quirin shushed his child by hugging him. He patted Varian's back as if to give him comfort. " If you say so. But, is anything is wrong, always know I am there for you. " Quirin's words were soft, and just for a moment, Varian wanted to believe his father's words, tell him about everything, about his guilt, his fears.

But he didn't deserve any of it. His father would be better off without him. No explosions, no accidents, no alchemy, and no waking up in the middle of the night because of his son. Varian closed his eyes and whispered, " I'm sorry dad. " . _I'm sorry for causing all this trouble, I'm sorry for disappointing_ _you_. Quirin only patted Varian's back a little more, thinking it was enough. After a while, he stood up, gave a short nod of _goodnight_ to Varian and headed for the door.

When he was closing the door, he looked up, and met Varian's eyes. For a second, he seemed to have forgotten how to breathe. The once bright, blue eyes, filled with the wondrous joy of a child was now filled with a _thick_ fog. A fog, a cloud of sadness. He closed the door, and went to his room, failing to erase the image of the _lifeless_ , dull eyes of Varian. It just didn't seem right, it was all so wrong.

He would go to Varian, first thing in the morning. He would make him ham sandwiches, go for a road trip, have some cocoa, and talk. Talk about the things that had happened, the things troubling his son. It would all come tomorrow.

Tomorrow.

* * *

Varian couldn't move. It was as if he was stuck to the spot. The adrenaline started to leave him, and his hands started shaking again. He could still feel his father's hands, his father's _warmth_ , and oh, gods, it felt so _damn good._ But as he met his father's eyes, the eyes full of surprise and worry, he put his needs aside. Varian, gone from the world. No more angry neighbors, no more suffering, no more. None.

He looked at his desk, the yellow substance catching his eye. The substance that made the amber, the very thing that made all of this trouble. The perfect way to end a demon. He patted Ruddiger carefully, as if to say goodbye. There was no _goodbye note,_ no crying, weeping, and no regretting. Simple as that. He grabbed a small flask, and headed to the place where he had once kidnapped the queen. He shut the curtains, and sat down on the ground. Only then, the tears started to come out. Yes, he was a demon, and yes, he had to die, but he was still afraid.

What would it feel like? Just endless darkness? A void of nothingness? Would there be pain? He didn't know how it felt to die, it was his first time..! And, the dead certainly didn't come back from the dead to tell others about it. It was a different world, a different level, death. Just when he thought he was ready, and put the flask to his mouth, he broke down, again.

As his tears started to pour out, his insides had started to tear apart. They turned black, rotting into nothingness. He cried, and cried, and cried. The worst part was, he had to do all of this silently. He was all alone. Everyone hated him, and the ones that were kind to him had felt pitiful of him. There was no _forgiveness_ , no fantasy stories, no happy endings. Only hatred, resentment, and pity. Nothing had authenticity, the world was full of lies. Lies of people forgiving him, lies of people caring for him.

He was a demon, an evil being waiting to burst out. How could he live on, while knowing that there was a bomb ticking away inside of him? But here he was, crying like a baby in front of death. In front of the death that he deserved, in front of the death, he had looked forward to. Everything was a lie. Even himself.

No more tears came out. It was as if he had poured all of it out. But he didn't feel refreshed at all. ( _There, another lie, )_ He felt dizzy and lost.

No, not lost. Overwhelmed by the fact that he had reached his true purpose. He didn't deserve to live to be walking, talking, _breathing_ when he had harmed so, much, people. So many innocent people. He closed his eyes, and made his mind blank. Nothingness claimed him, and the tears had dried up. It was the end, the real end. The happy, best-

He put the flask to his lips, and tilted it to his lips. To drink it.

Then it went flying out of his hands, and shattered on the floor.

... _What?_

* * *

Rapunzel ran, and ran. She didn't care if her feet hurt, or if she was out of breath. Not when Varian, her friend, could be in trouble..! There, in the distance, she could see Varian's house. As she went closer to the house, the heavy feeling in her heart started to get heavier. Tears started to form, overwhelmed by the clash of emotions. She leaned on the door for a second, and knocked on it.

" Hello? Is, .. anyone there? " She yelled while panting. Nobody came out, and it was just _so_ silent. The images of Varian's pale face, blue lips, and still body started flashing in her mind. She opened the door, and went in. Yes, going into other people's houses was not a good thing to do, but rules and laws didn't matter in front of a person's life. She took a deep breath, and went up to Varian's lab. She opened the door to find,

_Nothing._

He wasn't there. There was only Ruddiger, sleeping away on the desk. Desperately trying to calm herself down, Rapunzel walked to Varian's desk and looked at his notes. They held the same information that she had seen in her dream, it was becoming real..! No, no! She was not going to fail Varian again. Not when he had finally freed his dad. Not when Corona was gifted with peace. No.

... The curtains! Rapunzel looked at the curtains and they were in the same place as they were in her dream. Trying her best to ignore her shaking hand, she grabbed the curtain and yanked it to the right. And she found,

" Varian! "

Varian. Varian, who had a flask to his mouth. The same substance that was poured next to her mother. Varian, whose face was full of tear marks. Rapunzel reflectively held her hair, and whipped it to Varian's hand. The flask when flying, and when it crashed to the floor, the amber started to grow at a fast pace. Seeing the amber, Rapunzel quickly grabbed Varian and took him to his desk.

None of them spoke for a while. Everything had happened so quickly. _If he had drank the amber, if it had grown inside of him,_

" Rapunzel? "

It was Varian who broke the silence. There were tears in his eyes, and they started falling as soon as he looked into Rapunzel's eyes. "Why didn't you just leave me alone?" he said in a tired voice, as if he were tired by the fact that he had to be breathing, to be living-

" What? " Rapunzel half whispered in disbelief, Leave him alone? To die? "I.. You- , It's not right." She didn't like this. She hated every part of this conversation. She hated Varian's tear-filled eyes, she hated seeing Varian so, .. so, _un-Varian._ It wasn't right, seeing him like this, seeing him wanting to _die_ so desperately.

" Rapunzel, don't you think I've caused enough trouble? I- I don't deserve any of this! Everyone hates me, and people act like they like me. They never listen to me, and always tell me lies. Lies, Rapunzel! ... But you wouldn't understand, right? Because you're the _princess_ , and I'm just.. a nobody. A nobody nagging away at you, a piece of garbage waking you up in the middle of the night-, "

Now that was enough. Rapunzel couldn't take it anymore. She teared up, and hugged Varian so tightly, as if Varian would run away as soon as it got loose. For a minute, she had no idea what to do. Yes, she was good at persuading people, but this? No, this was not a problem that could be passed easily, it was a problem-,

" V, Varian, I-, I'm so sorry, . Sorry for not noticing, I-, " She felt so sorry, and, so relieved. Relieved that she hadn't failed him again, that she had managed to save him just in time. At first, Varian ignored her tears, but as time went by, he-, he wanted to talk. The ray of sunshine lit his black insides, and the blinding darkness faded away to a bright, shining day. The demon haunting his dreams had died away at the sun, and he was no longer cursed.

" Rapunzel, I- .. I'm sorry too. . I, I thought, I.. " Varian said quietly with a watering voice, and Rapunzel just smiled a bit. It was so relieving to see Varian talking like the person he was meant to be.

" It's okay, Varian. " Rapunzel wiped off her tears, and stopped hugging Varian. The heavy feeling in her heart had left, along with the worry of Varian running away. "But, I want you to know that, we will always be there for you. And that we really do care about you. Who cares what the people say..! They are wrong, and there will be a time when they will all say sorry. Besides, you've got me, your father, Cass, Eugene... And we don't want to lose you. You are special to us, and you _deserve_ to be loved." Rapunzel gave Varian's shoulder a little squeeze and Varian slowly started to smile.

He _deserved_ love. The princess had just said it. _It was okay for him, to keep living._

" .. Thanks, Rapunzel. " Varian opened his mouth a second time but didn't say anything. Everything that had to be said was said, and everything that had to be heard had been heard. And only then, the both of them could smile. A smile, of pure happiness. Sure, things wouldn't just go uphill, and it would take a whole lot of time, but it was okay. He had a lot of people beside of him, and that was the truth. That was _reality_.

* * *

Quirin was surprised to see Rapunzel coming out of Varian's lab the next morning. They both had puffy eyes, but he chose not to say anything about it. Just, not now. Quirin readied the sandwiches, and even a hot cocoa, since he looked a bit feverish. He gave a smile to Varian, and Varian smiled back. His eyes had found their usual glow again. It wasn't as bright as it used to be, but it was a whole lot better that the eyes of a dead man. The talking could wait. Wait until his son seemed ready for it. They both sat on the table and started eating. Eating in a comfortable silence.

" So, secretly dating the princess, I see? "

.... Wait, _what?_

" _Dad-!_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And We! Are! Done! Yay! At first I was trying to make this into a sad ending, but.. we all want our cutie pie happy, right? So I gave him a cocoa and made him happy. I still think this was a bit rushed but,, I just didn't feel like editing it. :D Thank you for reading! I still have loads of ideas for Varian, so there is more to come! (and yes, they are all angsty(I should be the angst king)) 
> 
> Thanks again and have a wonderful day! XD


End file.
